Sunday, November 24, 2013

Wooden Dutch shoes and all things.....wrinkled

After seven days at sea on this ship with a Dutch-looking flag, the shore can't appear off my balcony on the ninth level fast enough. This is my fifth cruise in a span of three and a half years; it may be my last for a while.

Without opening myself to a libel suit, I did know that this particular cruise line catered to "older" cruisers. Meaning those WAY over my own age. (For those of you new to this page, I will qualify for Medicare in six days. I congratulated the on-board blues band for proving there were actual pulses aboard ship with mine, something I seriously doubted for the first few days aboard.)

Some other clues that I had picked the wrong cruise line this time.....

  • Even if this Dutch-sounding cruise line had provided a pair of their wooden shoes to all those who came aboard, it wouldn't have slowed these people down any more than they already were. 
  • The spa spent most of its time presenting seminars on taking care of your feet.
  • The bar called "Chocolate Seduction" was never open, probably because no one who crawled on board could remember what that second word meant. And their doctors had told them to avoid the first one anyway. (Bad for those hearts.....)
  • I didn't get splashed even once in the pool by a person younger than 80. Actually, the pool never had more than five people in it at any one time.
    A lonely pool.....
  • All the "Name That Tune" games featured music from the Big Band era.
  • .....and all the games were over by sunset.
  • Most people were reading real books.
  • The bars were populated only by a crew member wiping the already-clean bar...a lot. 
    A lonely buffet area....
    The lonely barkeep.....

  • What's up with this mouth-breathing thing with older people?? Mysterious. But maybe that's why I was feeling anxious to get back to shore; all the oxygen around me was being sucked out of the air.
  • The nurse automatically asked what blood thinner patients were on before passing out band aids.
  • The only noise in the passageways at night came from the lonely "DING!" of an elevator.....once an hour or so. 
     A lonely theater....
I thought I would welcome a vacation at sea sans children and drunks. In exchange, though, I got  more gnarled feet that I ever care to see again and no activities that even smacked of a trip to the tropics. (I sadly remembered the great deck parties that started even before the ship sailed...on all those OTHER cruise lines.)

All of this is another reminder of the axiom that continues to prove itself as I age to perfection: Be careful what you wish for.

“If you didn't remember something happening, was it because it never had happened? Or because you wished it hadn't?”
Jodi Picoult, Plain Truth

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