Sunday, April 15, 2012

What's that tattoo say??

What's with the bruising? I walk around looking like a social worker might want to take notice, with mean looking bruises on my legs and arms, all from seemingly insignificant bumps against things like the edges of desk drawers that SOMEBODY left open. One day I caused a bruise on my thigh by resting a heavy box on my leg as I balanced to open a door, although I forgot what I had done as I watched the brown welt turn colors over the next few days. Where did THAT come from? (Impaired memory as we age, coupled with a tendency to bruise easier makes for really fun thought experiments, take my word for it.)

It makes getting dressed for a semi-formal event (I don't go to formal events, so no problem there) a bit difficult, what with the fact that no one wears pantyhose any more.The women, I mean. Here I've got bruises and other unexplained brown spots on my legs...which USED to be one of my best body parts...and nowhere to hide them, unless I want to highlight my age YET AGAIN by wearing pantyhose with my sexy strappy sandals. I've even tried concealer on my legs, but I ended up leaving it on the seat at the concert hall downtown. Bet they didn't like that as they cleaned up after the show. And afterwards, I had all those distracting, blotchy marks showing anyway.

Maybe the answer is tanning. No wait.....that causes cancer. And someone my age tries to protect the ones we have left, the years I mean, so purposely chalking time off the tote board of life doesn't make sense. Does it? I think most people know that those tanning beds are life-stealers, but they seem to be busy all the time, anyway.

Just last week, the nice saleslady in the lingerie department looked at ME with suspicion when she saw the huge bruise on my mother's arm...the one she got from running into a rack in ANOTHER store the week before. That woman was thinking about calling social services on me, I swear she was.

It's a conundrum. If you're under age 50 or so, you have no idea what I'm talking about, other than to recall the "old people" you know who do seem to have lots of bruises tattooing their bodies. You will, too, no matter how you try to hide behind that trite "But it will be different for me!" wishful thinking. All those secret thoughts you have about "old people" (don't lie, I know you have them) will come back to laugh and point in your face someday. Save this column to remind you.

Maybe that's the answer, though. Bruises can be the new tattoo art for those of us marked without the benefit of needles. Our skin is already sagging, too, so we won't have to listen to that boring warning about "What do you think that tattoo is going to look like when you're old and have sagging skin?"

I'm going to throw all my pantyhose away now.

"Life is full of bumps and bruises. It's what you learn from it and what you do with it that makes you who you are."

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